btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
