i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
