Do you still have your period?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
