take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
