i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
