Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
