i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
