I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
