just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize