my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
