You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
it hurts more in the daytime
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
