did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
