i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Randomize
