You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
The air taste purple.
Randomize
