so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
