Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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