What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
It's rum buckets o'clock
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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