True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My penis needs a shock collar
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
