you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
