Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
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i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I need to align my fucking chakras
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