Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize