Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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