I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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