I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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