Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
