Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
