I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
