ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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