dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
