2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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