I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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