the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
