walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
