There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
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The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
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On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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