Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
