You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
