I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
