bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
