dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
