eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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