They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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