I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
