It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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