I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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