People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
