Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
