I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
