you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
