good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
