Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
