just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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