Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
