Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
