he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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