I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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