Ambien. No doubt about it.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
