Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
babies were throwing up all over the place
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You're a waste of cheezeits
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
