NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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