i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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