shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
