Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
