i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
