I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
