I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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