Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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