I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
