We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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