Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
