I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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