Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I fill condoms, not promises.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
