There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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