i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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