ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
