We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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