You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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