dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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