He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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