first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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