Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
