i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
