He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
